In retrospect...

I don’t normally do this, but there’s a first time for everything. It's been quite a year and I think it deserves a mention.

I began the year in a cabin in South Gippsland on the coast of Australia with friends - we spent the day on the beach and visited the caves on the way back to Melbourne. A rather odd experience for me, being my first summertime new year. Later in January my gorgeous nephew William was born. Life continued in the party format it had acquired a few months earlier, and all in all, life was good.

In March I bid a sad farewell to Melbourne and its most beautiful inhabitants and returned to the UK, went back to my old job, reconnected with old friends and made some new ones, began an A level Biology (and have thus far completely failed to actually complete any of it or get my exams booked in), and discovered the Star and Shadow cinema where I started volunteering. It was a manic few months, especially because I was house hunting at the time, and nursing a broken rib. My first ever broken bone.

June saw me moving back into Newcastle from my parent’s house, where I fell in love with Heaton and the whole Ouseburn area. I started dating Euan, turned 30 (everyone made a bigger deal out of it than me) and began salsa classes. I also finally took the plunge (not literally) and went back to rowing, if a little lazily.

After deciding not to go on any more holidays for a while, I went on holiday to Poland, where discovered that I am probably a little too laid back about travelling these days, and developed an insane fear of flying after a rather epic non-landing episode at Leeds-Bradford. A few weeks later I overcame my fear of flying after being sent to Cornwall with work, and then later, flying to Dublin to visit friends. I bought the macbook I have been wanting for years, and finally submitted my application to university.

This month I got my first tattoo! I am planning the next, but it will be a long time coming. I started going to yoga again, and realise that while I always enjoyed it before, I am now a lot more in tune with the spiritual aspect. I am reading Krishnamurti's 'Think on These Things', and am finding myself for the first time in my life totally engrossed and underlining phrases - actually defacing a book, which is something I never thought would happen. I am looking into meditation as pain control after many years of 'the drugs don't work' and feel empowered by non-reliance on medication.

Am I turning into a hippy? Quite possibly! But I don't see that that is a bad thing. I am calm and in control, and happy. It's not all been sunshine and roses - I have been ill a lot this year, and have had some major headaches thanks to our friends in the tax office (both at home and abroad), but all in all, it's been a good year :)

Ch ch ch changes

What was it Andrew said? Only the cool kids don't update their blogs (or something like that). Obviously, I'm just cool... ;)

I'm not one for New Years resolutions, but it being the season for it and all that I've started thinking about it a little. Maybe one too many snow days has left me a little starved of mental stimulation... I try to make the changes I want to make all year round, and this year has been a big year for me in that respect. I'm a better (well, I think so) and happier person because of it.

As I've gotten older I've become more squeamish, more scared of hurting myself and, apparently, a bit of a wuss it seems. Maybe that's because being the klutz I am actually entails hurting myself more than the average person?

This week I took the plunge - for the past 10 years I have been trying to make myself give blood. Sometimes I've even gotten through the doorway of the centre. Its not the needles - those I don't care about at all. And its not the blood per se. Its the same feeling I get when I think of losing teeth... nausea comes over in a wave and the world spins in a progressively greying manner. I feel like my life-force is about to drain out of me (to which, unhelpfully the nurse at the blood centre replied 'well, it kind of is'). So this time I actually did it! Yay! And it was fine, and I feel good about it. Roll on four months time when I can go again.

And much like everything else this year, I sit wondering why I didn't do that before now. So much wasted time. No more! Well, maybe a little, since I am still sitting in the house a bit scared of slipping on the ice (again)...

Chaotic Crazy Coolness

Yikes. Well it's been a while. The main reason for that is the fact that I am ridiculously busy and haven't had a moment to actually think of anything to write. I described life to someone recently as chaotic, crazy, cool. Yes, I’d say that's pretty much the long and the short of it. I’ve been hearing a lot of 30 jokes recently, but you know what? I might be perilously close to being ‘over the hill’, but the view is pretty damn good from up here.

So, what's been happening in the last month? Well, the answer to that is A LOT!

Since my last post, I have (amongst other things):
° Been to Liverpool to celebrate the 30th birthday of an old friend.
° Watched a rather insane version of Salome at the Northern Stage.
° Become addicted to watching old French movies on my own at the cinema.
° Indulged in the EAT! festival which was in Newcastle at the start of June.
° Watched a slightly eccentric dance production perform Love and War at the. SAGE. I still haven't figured out what it was about (love and war, presumably), but it was kind of cool in parts.
° Celebrated my own 30th birthday at the Corbridge Beer Festival, and with copious amounts of food and friends - food, beer and friends: what more can you ask for?
° Accidently worked behind the bar at a death metal gig whilst shockingly hungover (I actually enjoyed it, though my head didn't so much)
° Became a new-look climbing frame for 3-year-olds at an old friend's BBQ.
° Signed up for the Great Cumbrian Run – a half marathon in Carlisle in October – and have completely failed to do any training for it.
° Took part in It's a Knockout with my colleagues for charity in South Shields. Painful and embarrassing, but kind of fun.
° Went back to salsa for the first time in years. I’ll be going back.
° Had my first ladies race day experience at Nottingham Races for a hen do.
° Took in some of the Vamos Latino festival that was in Newcastle earlier this month - flamenco, art, and Cuban dance. I wish I'd had time to see more of it.

Intersperse all that with hanging out with friends, nights of crazy dancing, writing, and working hard, and you have one extremely busy (and exhausted) lady. That probably explains why I am sitting at home on a Friday night drinking red wine and updating this. Actually, I WAS studying (for the first time in weeks) but procrastination is, quite frankly, a disease. Is there a Procrastinators Anonymous?

While I’m settling back into life in Newcastle, and surprising everyone by showing no signs of moving on (in fact, quite the opposite), all across the globe big things are afoot. Friends are getting engaged, married (two more before mid-September), having babies. They are moving on to pastures new (near and far), getting new jobs, moving in together, buying houses. Me? I have a million and one things ahead of me. If you learn to look in the right places, the doors open to a whole new world - this is not the same Newcastle that I grew up in. These are exciting times.

The Forest Cafe

I have been discovering all kinds of awesome creative collectives recently. One of these is the Forest Café in Edinburgh: a volunteer-type establishment in similar vein to the Star and Shadow Cinema here in Newcastle but with a more literary focus.

I had the pleasure of listening to their music and readings as part of their Golden Hour tour at the end of May, where I was working behind the bar. Sadly, it was a bit under-promoted as it was a bit of a last minute affair, but their enthusiasm more than made up for it. It was a fun and inspiring evening.

If you’re ever in Edinburgh you should definitely see what they have on and pay them a visit. If you’re interested, they publish small collections of literature and poetry and the Forest Publications website is well worth a browse. Great music also by Hailey Beavis, Jed Milroy and Maybe Myrtle Tyrtle. I really wish more people had seen it.

When I said things had to change, I meant it...

Things are incredibly manic right now so a list of exciting stuff will have to suffice for this post (it’s been a while in the writing). The excitement is subjective of course.

HOUSE! I found a room! I’m moving in to a shared house next week. I’m so looking forward to being closer to the city, closer to my friends, public transport and work. I will miss the coast and the countryside, but not the driving.

HIKE! A friend and I went for a walk around Dunstanburgh Castle a few weeks ago – albeit a brief one, but I was still very much recovering from illness and nursing a ‘drawing pin in the foot’ injury from that morning – and decided that it was something that we should do more often. I’m looking forward to making plans (and actually carrying them out).

CLIMB! My move will also take me closer to the climbing wall, which I intend to utilise A LOT more. Illness has taken its toll on that aspect of my life recently so hopefully, with wellness and proximity, I can remedy the lack.

WELLNESS/BREAKAGE! [Okay, so this is only half exciting.] Speaking of being well – finally, I am! Well, except for a healing rib, which I actually managed to break through coughing. I didn’t think that was even possible. Now just to stay well! It would help if Britain would decide if it wants to be in spring, summer or winter…

RUN! Before I realised my rib was broken, I went on my first run in a very long time. I ran over 5 miles and cannot wait to get out there again – just without the broken bone. There is something very special about running long distance. It can be painful, but creates a certain sense of mental freedom and release.

VOLUNTEER! I’ve started volunteering at The Star and Shadow Cinema in the Ouseburn Valley. I’d never heard of it, but went to a gig there and loved the venue so much that I looked it up to see what else they did there. Discovering that it was completely volunteer run, I decided to get involved and worked my first shift behind the bar at a gig soon after.

ART! I am rediscovering my photographic obsession, and learning a lot more about image manipulation (when I should be studying of course). I have recently ‘discovered’ zines (through a combination of totally unrelated events), and am excited at the prospect of learning how to use the dark room and screen printer at the cinema. I have finally started printing photos (something I haven’t done in over four years) and am getting out into the galleries and exhibitions – including catching some of the Late Shows where galleries across the UK were opened late into the evening with events running.

VOTE! For the first time, I took my vote in the general election seriously. Previously I have really just voted because of the guilt I felt about the women who fought hard for my right to do so. Unfortunately, just as I realised how important it all is, I also experienced my first political rage. I felt embarrassed to be British as we demonstrated to the world: our lack of ability to organise a general election; just how undemocratic our society is; how well we can turn an election into something akin to a game show. I am galled by the unfairness of our voting system, genuinely scared about what a future under a conservative government means (I remember the riots), but hopeful for the new coalition government, and, right at the end there, I gained a new respect for Gordon Brown and his eloquence in departure.

FRIENDS! Actually, while my friends are all awesome and much loved, this is a shout to one particular friend. When I moved back to England I was a little lost without Rom. To use her sentiments; I had lost my wing(wo)man, and that person who is able to be exactly the right kind of friend at exactly the right time. BUT, with the help of the internet, snail mail, a mutual love of letter-writing, and a series of Incredibly Awesome Parcels™ she will always be there to inspire me and make me smile. Love.

WRITE! I’ve been told I should write by various people throughout the years. Thing is, I do and then I don’t do anything with it. Usually through shyness (yes, me). Even continuing to write this blog after my year in Australia was up is a bit weird for me. I kind of think it’s fine because I don’t think anybody reads it really… BUT, I have bitten the bullet and have gotten involved in a local online news and entertainment site written by and for members of the community that I’ll be moving to. And with a mild tremor of terror I think about what to write for my first editorial…

WEDDING! Massive congratulations to my old housemates and good friends, Andy and Lisa who got married in Lincoln last weekend. The reception involved an awesome reunion of old friends on the most beautiful weekend of the year so far. Caelidh dancing extreme. I managed to pack in visits to see my brother and his family, and catch up with the lovely Lauren for a bit too… All good.


Let’s just say, May’s been a big month! And it’s not quite over yet…

Lots to look forward to and lots of stuff happening. Watch this space.

"Naive. Super"

This is not at all what I originally intended to write. That post is actually half written, but I keep not finishing it. Story of my life right now.

Instead, I am going to start with a quote from a book I have been reading: "Naive. Super" by Erlend Loe (translated from the original Norwegian by Tor Ketil Solberg)

The book is about a 25 year old who is struggling to find meaning in his life (not as depressing as it sounds), and this particular part begins with a list. The list is of all of the things he used to find exciting as a child. It's a long list, and the things are incredibly simple. After the list he goes on to say:

"My existence was full of these things. It was so nice and uncomplicated. When I wasn't sleeping I ran around and was excited. I never walked. I ran."
...
"I speculate about making a list of things that excite me today. I find a pen and paper, but I notice that I am hesitating.
I am afraid the list will be a short one.
I should never have stopped running."

How sad it is that for so many of us that this is true. And it particularly hit home to me, because recently I feel like I have rediscovered my metaphorical running shoes. I have never really struggled with the 'meaning of life' but I have struggled from time to time. Right now though, I feel excitement in the small things and notice things I never paid any attention to before. I am inspired and exhilarated and those running shoes are on to stay.

PS. I am aware, of course, that the real meaning of life is the number 42 and that we are, in fact, just asking the wrong question... (Douglas Adams)

Photos

Oh yes, I completely forgot to say, I updated my Flickr photos with the last of the Australia bunch (click on the title to view).

Flickr uploader wasn't working for me for an age. Lets blame the volcano shall we? Everyone else seems to be blaming it for everything...

April Fool

Forget April Fool's Day. I've started to wonder whether April has just been one big 'fool'. It's certainly been a month of calamity. Let's just say I am incredibly thankful for the RAC, free medical care, the new low NHS dental prices, the patience of my colleagues with my hacking cough and generally being a flake. I'm a little scared I've spoken too soon... After all, it's still officially April. It mightn't be done with me yet.

Still, things could be worse. I'm still smiling. And not through gritted teeth either. Maybe things got so ridiculous there that I just had to laugh it off. Or maybe I'm just happy. Springtime definitely helps. It's my favourite time of year. Watching no less than seven men change the tyres on my car (thus probably solving a few jokes), and hearing the classic line "for emergency medical situations, please call back in an hour" (never get sick in Northumberland) also helped provide some amusement of course.

It's not all been sickness and gloom though: A reunion with some old uni friends involved a few lessons about wearing sunglasses/earrings whilst tickling 3 year olds, rather a lot of cocktails (not at the same time) and rather a lot of fun (though it did make me feel slightly old when we realised we hadn't all been together for nine years). Heading down to Oxford early for a work trip meant that I managed to catch up with some more of the guys down there too. Happy days.

I keep getting asked why on earth I came back from Australia. Aside from the fact that I HAD to come back of course. I can't believe how shocked people are that I'm happy to be home. Maybe it's a 'grass is greener' thing. I love Melbourne and miss it and the people in it dearly, but I also have no regrets about coming home. I WANT to be in England. More specifically, in Northern England. And you know what? In a very literal sense, the grass is actually greener HERE ;)

So what's in store for May? Hiking, climbing, the first wedding of the year, photography (it's about time I dusted off the old neglected camera), running (providing I actually get well at some point), catching up with friends, a little study, and - right at the end - moving back into the city. Bring it on.

continuing madness

So Easter came and went and my waistline survived relatively unscathed. I think the fact that I have pretty much stopped drinking alcohol helps. Of course, the fact that I have merely switched the alcohol for junk food doesn’t. Sinusitis, a fairly gruesome chesty cough, tiredness, busyness and general laziness mean my fledgling exercise schedule has taken a hit. I struggle to believe that I used to have such an intense training regime when I find it hard to motivate myself to stay in the gym for more than 30 minutes these days. But I have discovered decongestants, accepted that sleep is unlikely, tried to become more organised in my busyness (including finally unpacking. More or less.), and given myself a good old kick up the butt. These things, accompanied by the extra hours of light which seem to have suddenly (and gladly) appeared in the day, will hopefully aide my cause.

Easter was largely a family affair, with visits from the brothers and their families. Fact: children are exhausting. I finished the long weekend by falling asleep straight after breakfast on Monday. The nephews are, as ever, delightful and it was good to have the family together as it really doesn’t happen very often. When it stopped raining, we made it out onto the beach. I got a little prolific with the photos as my new obsession with the hipstamatic app for the iPhone overruled all ordinary productiveness for the weekend. That, and playing bejewelled2. But that’s another story, and entirely my brother Chris’ fault.

Spring has sprung. Well, kind of. The daffs are out, the leaves are starting to bud, and it’s staying lighter for longer. It’s still cold, but weirdly that’s okay. Did Australia do something funny to my blood? I no longer seem to be the cold-blooded creature in constant need of a heat source that left the UK 13 months ago. The schools are finally on holiday, so I have been basking in the bliss of no traffic queues for a few weeks. And suddenly everything looks peachy. Or at least it will do when I get rid of this cough.

Gladly, Network Rail called off the impending rail strike that threatened to ruin my trip to Aberdeen and I took my sniffly self up for a weekend with the girls from Vancouver. The sun came out and we spent a day walking along the beach, having what was very nearly a vomitous trip on the galleon at the fun fair (was there really a time when that was actually fun? Judging by the small girl opposite us, perhaps not), eating fish and chips, and ice cream, and maybe just a little beer/wine consumption. Great fun and fantastic to see the girls again, but long train journeys, and I’m pretty glad to be in Newcastle for a couple of weekends now.

The future’s bright, the future’s… erm… orange

The stealing of Orange’s tagline is not really intentional (and a little ironic since yesterday I switched from having Orange as my mobile service provider after 8 years), but really it’s kind of true – the future is bright and it is decidedly orange. That is, orange with a special reflective strip: cone after cone after cone on (seemingly) all the roadways of Britain.

I feel like I have been home for months. Australia feels like a distant dream. I have only been home for 20 days. I am dog-tired. Everything feels very ‘untidy’. I am not sure when I went from being organised and under-control, to being so chaotic. Maybe I should slow things down. But knowing me, that’s highly unlikely.

I’m not the only one. Something seems to have happened in the last few years and suddenly everyone is incredibly busy. Is that just the way life is? Is this just what happens as you get older? Or is it just a coincidence? One thing I have found interesting recently – from reading a few of my friends’ blogs and generally talking to people – is that I am definitely not the only one who is coming to conclusions about what I want to do with my life (or maybe just ‘next’ in my life), and feeling exhilarated by the freedom making those decisions/realisations brings, then being filled with doubt about the rightness of that decision because things are rarely what you expect them to be.

My decision to go back to university, and doing another A Level? Absolutely right. I am not wavering. In fact, my resolve grows every day. However, also growing every day is the niggling feeling that I may have gotten myself in for more than I bargained for. For some reason in my mind, starting an A Level at 29 seemed easy. After all, I already have 3, which I did at a time when I had no direction at all. Having begun to read the course material, I realise that working full time and studying a subject I have not looked at for 14 years is no small undertaking. I have no memory of the basics, and all that ‘life’ experience apparently didn’t necessitate use of my brain. Instead, it has been replaced with mush. A flippant comment I made about having completed my first degree whilst partying a lot, so “how hard could it be to go back to uni and do a degree when I am not partying (so much) and actually paying attention?” may well come back to haunt me. Still, this is all for the good. It is good for me. I’ll keep telling myself that.

Meanwhile, back in the whirlwind, it’s been a great few weeks of catching up with friends – some of whom I haven’t seen in years – in Nottingham and Oxford; getting back into climbing at the new Newcastle climbing wall; starting to catch up with my friends in the North; catching up with family; getting back into the gym; planning more trips; studying; getting back into work; and watching some great live music. Life is very different, but still good.

Next, I’m back on the house hunt…

Back to Blighty

It feels very strange. I have been away for a year, and nothing really changes. I am sleeping in the same room that I slept in when I was 6 years old, driving the same car I have owned for the last 5 years, same dentist, same optician, back in the first city I ever really got to know, back to the same job I had before I left. And you know what? It actually feels good. Well, I need to move to some place of my own soon, but as a whole... yeah, it feels good.

I can't believe I have only been home for a week. Not even. I feel like I have done way too much for so little time. Catching up with old friends, watching movies (note: watching a 3D movie with your mam is SO much fun!), going to gigs, being mauled by the dentist (okay, so maybe that is a tiny bit of an exaggeration), making plans, going climbing, getting back into the gym. My feet haven't really touched the ground. I'm enjoying my last few days off work (back to the grind in the old job on Monday) and continuing my mastering of the art of procrastination, which means I haven't yet finished sorting out my stuff, or started the A Level Biology course I was supposed to be starting... Everything in good time.

I made a big decision at the end of my time in Australia. To go back to uni next year to study Speech and Language Therapy (hence the A Level Biology). So, I have 18 months to work and save, and prepare. Oh, and decide where to apply to. It feels good to have direction - even if I will be forced to stay in one place for longer than a year or so - and I'm really quite excited about using my brain again. I'm such a geek.

But first, I must cast my mind back a week or so. To my beloved Melbourne. I'm so glad for the opportunity to get to know it so well. As a whole, it was an awesome year. The summer particularly topped the awesome list of course. While I'll miss the quirky buildings, the atmosphere, shopping/drinking/eating/coffeeing on Brunswick Street, the warmth, the footy (yes, really! and yes, Cathy I do still have my scarf ;)), the music, the after work drinks with the Yellow crew, eating tofu at Yoyogi with Rom, the laneway bars, the art, the rooftop cinemas (and the ability to have them!); there's nothing I'll miss more than the people. A place is nothing without the people. You all know who you are, and hopefully you know what you mean to me. Thank you for an awesome one, and I'll see you again somewhere, somewhen. Stay in touch. Come visit :)

The whirlwind continues

[oh look! it's another backdated one - I actually wrote this last week, but never finished it]

It's my last full day in Melbourne and I'm sitting in Rom and Silver's house drinking Melbourne Breakfast tea (yummm, thanks Cathy :)) and eating peanut butter on toast. I woke up to Basil (the cat) puking next to my head. Thanks Basil. I hope that's not a sign of the day to come...

Summer appears to have deserted Melbourne early, which is probably a good thing for my acclimatisation, as it seems that winter has not deserted the UK early. It ended abruptly with golf ball sized hail stones on Saturday.

I haven't written anything for an age (again) so I must take a moment to try and work out where the last 6 weeks have gone. It's definitely been fun and didn't involve all that much sleep that's for sure. I've been working 6 day weeks and 9 and a half hour days but still managed to get some socialising time in - spending as much time with friends as possible before I have to leave.

I had a brief escape from the city in the form of a trip to Longwood with Sarah a couple of weekends ago. It's a tiny town in the bush about 2 hours North of Melbourne. It was so good to have a break from the busyness of the city, hang around on Mount Wombat (for the views) and take a walk along the rocks beside the waterfall and just generally breathe some non-city air!

2010. The year of craziness. Apparently.

My time here is running out, and things are not slowing down one ounce. It's all good. Though the sleep deprivation delirium is starting to kick in for sure. My main problem is that I work 7-3 but live a 9-5 kind of social life. Doesn't make for much sleep. Naptime is slowly becoming just another part of my day. Still, it IS nice to finish at 3 and still have time to do stuff. And I am very glad of the work (moneywise of course).

So, what actually happened in January? My ailing brain needs some help... so out comes the old diary again:

• I spent a day with my friend Sarah's family in Dromana on the Mornington Peninsula. Good food, gelato on the beach and lots of sunshine :)
• Went to see a band called The Books, another addition to my 'totally random gig' collection. It was cool. Definitely unusual, and not at all what I was expecting - almost more of an art installation than an actual gig.
• I went to see Shakespeare in the Park - A Midsummer Nights Dream. Great fun, and very entertaining. Thankfully Melbourne played along, and it wasn't raining.
• Got dressed up 50s Australian Suburbia style and spent an afternoon picnicking in the park for a friends birthday - way to turn 30 in style!
• Went to see David Sedaris at the Arts Centre. I had heard of him before but didn't know why. He writes funny short stories, and reads them aloud. Very entertaining. I enjoyed it immensely.
• Spent a few evenings drinking sangria and taking in the atmosphere at the Vic Night Markets.
• Spent Australia Day at a BBQ with friends, drinking cold beer and getting my first sunburn in many, many years. Totally my own fault of course. Hot day + zero sunscreen = FAIL.
• Went to the St Kilda Open Air Cinema (The Invention of Lying - awesome film!) where I froze slightly and spent a few hours waiting for my deckchair to collapse, but definitely enjoyed it. Nowt quite like sitting under the stars watching a movie waiting for the gulls to crap on your head...

Aside from that, there was a whole lot of going out, cinema-ing, and spending time with friends. Obviously. This is me, after all.

It's been a hot and cold month - literally! 43 degrees on the 6th, 11 degrees on the 13th. How? Melbourne is weird sometimes. The 43er was followed by the hottest night in Melbourne's recorded history. I concur. It was fecking hot. I have had many conversations with people about how much they love Melbourne, and how much they hate the weather recently. I am starting to fully agree.

And now it's February tomorrow. Not entirely sure how that happened. My life is passing by me in a blur. Less than 6 weeks to go :(

New Year at Metung

After a crazy Nov/Dec, I was ready for a slightly lower-key New Year. We decided that we didn't want to faff about trying to find a bar and spending a fortune in the city. Instead, 6 of us booked a cabin in East coast Victoria, near Raymond Island at a place called Metung. Good job too, as it turns out, since Melbourne was awash and the New Year was rung in with massive thunder and lightning storms.

I'd been working between Christmas and New Years for the first time in my life (I know, I know, slacker) and partying at the same time, and I was ready for a break. A couple of days chilling out, drinking on the verandah, swimming in the pool. Awesome. Metung is cute, a tiny little town right next to a lake. We still managed to get slightly lost looking for the (only) pub though!

New Years Day we headed to Lakes Entrance and hung out on the beach all afternoon. It was still feeling very weird for me to be sitting on a beach in January rather than staying indoors and trying to keep warm! Next day, we decided to head to the Buchan Caves, about an hour away from Lakes Entrance, to see the stalagtites and stalagmites. They're really quite awesome, and fully worth the claustrophobia.